Is your copywriting TOO easy to read? Some readers may complain!
February 3, 2009 • Glenn Murray
“What’s more”, “Nevertheless”, “Of course”, “Needless to say”… Why do some reviewers think these devices are too informal for sentence-starters? Oh, and let’s not forget “Importantly”, “Just as importantly”, “Additionally” and “Furthermore”!
I wouldn’t say it happens all the time, but enough to make me wonder. After pointing to something in my copywriting portfolio and saying, “Write it in that style”, Joe Client proceeds to rip out many of the bits that probably drew him to the piece in the first place (albeit subconsciously). I suspect if you’re a blogger with a boss who reviews your posts before publishing, it’s happened to you too.
Why all the fuss? I’d always considered most of these devices kinda formal. I actually avoid them in more casual copy. I know “What’s more” contains a contraction, but c’mon! That alone surely doesn’t make it casual.
So I asked around on Twitter, and some of my copywriter buddies were of much the same opinion as me: it’s an affront to what some clients consider professional. (Here’s @angie1234p’s answer, @Skigod’s answer and @angusgmelb’s answer.)
But that still doesn’t tell me why! The real why. Why do some people think these devices are an affront to professionalism?
Determined to get to the bottom of it, I had a good think about it on my run yesterday. And I came to a conclusion. Here it is…
Some people are so used to formal copy being hard to read, that they think anything easy to read must be informal.
Sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it? But I reckon I’m onto something, and I have a justification for the theory. Unfortunately, if you wanna hear it, you’ll have to sit through a bit of grammar. But I promise I’ll make it as pain-free as possible!
“What’s more” from a copywriting perspective
“What’s more” and co. are great for linking sentences to each other. They make for a bump-free read, and, in Joseph Sugarman’s words, grease the slippery slide leading to conversion. I talked more about this in a previous post: A quick tip for keeping your readers on your copywriting slippery slide.
“What’s more” from a grammar perspective
“What’s more” and its greasy companions are all examples of transitional devices (or ‘linkers’ or ‘transition words’). They connect ideas to provide coherence.
“Unless readers can move easily from one thought to another, they will surely find something else to read or turn on the television.” (Capital Community College Foundation’s Guide to Grammar & Writing)
Extra Reading: Some great descriptions and examples at:
Transitional devices can be formal or informal
The above readings list a couple of hundred other examples of transitional devices. If you take a look, you’ll notice they vary in formality. Some are really formal, like “moreover” and “notwithstanding”, while some are just your plain old garden variety conjunctions, like “and” and “but”.
This got me thinking. If some reviewers question both the formal and the informal transitional devices (I don’t need to remind you about the “Never start a sentence with a conjunction” reviewer), perhaps formality’s not the real issue. Perhaps it’s the use of the transitional device itself. ANY transitional device.
Formal writing often doesn’t use transitional devices
Check out any copyright notice or privacy policy. Or any boring old prospectus. Or virtually any government document. You’ll notice few – if any – transitional devices. (Don’t ask me why!)
I did a quick search. These are (honestly) the first documents I found. And whatdyaknow?! A real shortage of transitional devices.
Now remember, these are the documents that most copywriting clients and blog reviewers think when they think formal.
Some reviewers just don’t like anything that greases the slippery slide
So I’ve come to the conclusion that some reviewers consider transitional devices informal, simply because they’re not used in stereotypical formal writing. Regardless of whether the device itself is actually informal. Put another way, some reviewers find anything that greases the copywriting slope kinda confronting.
Strange eh?
What do you think?
Brandee wrote on February 3rd, 2009
I think people should get over it. I understand the need to write and speak professionally to your target audience, however, I think some people take the idea of "formal writing" too far. Especially when it relates to blogging or marketing materials. In a world full of words and phrases that have been "made-up" to sound catchy (think cosmetic companies and all their "addiditves"), and things that have been used so often they actually become WORDS in the dictionary (D'oh!), we need to "relax" our thinking about the formality of words. Now, if you're going to write your PhD thesis, and submit it to English Scholars, then no, don't be sloppy, cute or lax with your use of terms and grammar. If you're asking me to write a witty "catch your attention" piece, a marketing campaign or a blog which will be distributed to people with reading levels between 3rd grade and graduate student, then I think simplicity is key. I agree, it does not need to be complex and borderline incomprehensible for it to be "formal" or "professional" or "accurate"
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Angie Haggstrom wrote on February 3rd, 2009
You are my conjunction connoisseur and grammar guide. In fact, the link from CCC may just help me win a pesky argument with a certain editor I know. I'm looking forward to it! I spent years using them to make sentences flow together only to find out that most customers/editors want them eliminated in any 'formal' copy. It's downright frustrating and fascinating at the same time. Honestly, most of us can't stand reading dry, choppy works. Why would you want your copy to read the same? By the time some of them is finished removing linking devices, adjectives, adverbs, and modifiers, do you know what you have left? I saw Jane Run. IOU one for this post lol I'm going to enjoy it. Angie PS Thank you for the link love!
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Kimota wrote on February 3rd, 2009
Excellent post and definitely true. Far too often, inexperienced writers and clients mistake professional writing as dense, verbose and complex writing. Of course, the sign of the professional writer is to produce copy that is easy to understand and comfortable to read. I have come across this misunderstanding many times - not always because of transitional devices or the use of a conjunction to start a sentence, but often through a belief that bigger words are more formal or complex grammar demonstrates intelligence.
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Glenn (Owner) wrote on February 3rd, 2009
Good point @Kimota! It's crazy, but there does seem to be an obsession amongst some reviewers with complex-sounding copy. It ain't for me! (Could ya tell?!)
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Jack wrote on February 5th, 2009
The question is, is writing some kind of ritual or is it an effort to gets some communicating done. If it's a ritual, then like other ceremonies, it doesn't have to make sense. If it's a way of communicating, then one ought to pull out all of the stops and make it easy to read. I remember reading the conclusion of a study some time back. It said that even well educated readers prefer simple. short sentences. Why drive up a steep hill in fourth gear unless getting to the top is less important than straining the tranny.
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Glenn Murray wrote on February 5th, 2009
Hey Jack. Welcome! And nice analogies. Couldn't agree more! I definitely think some clients see copy as a ceremony.
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Trey - Swollen Thumb Entertainment wrote on February 7th, 2009
Those transitional devices are used to make the reading more effortless and fun to read. Legal forms are designed NOT to be read, so the absense of the transitions are on purpose. I think that the best writing is the writing that is most accessible to a large group of people, while still getting the most "punch" from the language that is being used.
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Glenn Murray wrote on February 9th, 2009
Hi Trey. Good point. And welcome!
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Linda Suttie wrote on July 23rd, 2009
I can't tell you the amount of times a client comes back to me and says "It's not correct to start a sentence with 'and' or 'but' - in fact I had a client who was horrified that I would call myself a "writer" and then start my sentences that way. I just pointed her to TIME magazine one of the world's most respected publications and told her to have a read. Not to mention any one of the thousands of ads in mags these days. There's no doubt that the trend is for natural conversational writing. It makes sense and it's more fun to write! Of course there are jobs where a more serious tone is required - more and more reason to have a client sign off on a creative brief which specifies tone.
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Glenn Murray wrote on July 24th, 2009
Yeah, I think some clients just can't put aside their school education and think from the reader's perspective...
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jack wrote on July 24th, 2009
Very few people visit their doctors and argue about the diagnosis and treatment. A corporate lawyer makes his/her legal assessment and very few people disagree about the law. That's not the case with writers -- for two reasons: one, people believe that since they are consumers of writing, they must also be expert producers of writing; two, writers do not have position power so their expertise can be ignored. The solution is risky. Insist on writing well and offer to resign the assignment if the client resists. That, in effect, is what doctors and lawyers do. Of course, they have the pressure of malpractice lawsuits to give them steel in their spines. But they act in concert. With few exceptions, there is general agreement about the proper practice of law and medicine. So, if a client were to go to another practitioner, he or she would usually get the same advice. Hungry writers, on the other hand, will cooperate with a delusional client to get and keep the work. Therein lies the problem. If writers were to act in concert, the client will gain some respect for them. Of course, that's delusional on my part. Writers are constantly trashing other writers work.
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Readers don’t notice poor copy – They FEEL it. Here’s why… wrote on September 22nd, 2009
[...] Transitional devices connect ideas to provide coherence. Read more about transitional devices and copywriting. [...]
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Dear grammar Nazis: Even Stephen Fry’s on my side. wrote on October 20th, 2010
[...] blogged a few times (and ranted many more) about the need for more readable writing, despite certain rules. [...]
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Readers don’t notice poor copywriting – They FEEL it. wrote on April 13th, 2015
[…] Transitional devices connect ideas to provide coherence. Read more about transitional devices and copywriting. […]
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Your property descriptions are boring! wrote on April 20th, 2015
[…] start sentences with conjunctions!). Do all the stuff I’ve been rattling on about for years (here, here, here and […]
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Dear grammar Nazis: Even Stephen Fry's on my side. wrote on April 22nd, 2015
[…] blogged a few times (and ranted many more) about the need for more readable writing, despite certain rules. […]
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